In one week, I’ve heard women who have stepped 'outside of the box' described as “mad,” “witches, ” and in for a challenge when in comes to having too much.
In an episode of The View, last Friday, the hot topic was about women having a successful career and marriage at the same time. This was a hot issue, with the suggestion that we can’t have both simultaneously.
As disheartening as it is to hear such a statement, I can relate to it. Currently, I’m in a position where part of me wants to stay away from relationships, so that I can keep my focus on my career and on being a good mom, without any more demands on my time.
Even though I recall the ways relationships have enriched my life, I understand the difficulties of having both. I’ve experienced relationships that command more from me than I could give (and having partners upset with me for it), while working toward my goals. It can be hard trying to give so much of yourself, especially if you don’t fit into that neat little box of societal expectations.
Years ago I was told that my chances would be slim for finding a man because of being an independent woman. And it’s true—more men than not seem threatened by that (especially if you make more money than them). As women, our challenge has always been stepping out of our roles.
A couple of days ago, I read an article called “Were The ‘Mad’ Heroines of Literature Really Sane?” The reference was to women of classic Victorian fiction, with an analysis about whether they were actually troubled. “But were they really mad? Would we today recognize them as mentally ill or were our heroines merely misunderstood, not to mention a tad inconvenient?” asks Vivienne Parry.
My comment to this piece suggested a little of each. Some women (along with men) probably started out mentally ill, and others maybe went mad from being chained up—if not burned at stakes—for being too eccentric for the times. But fiction or nonfiction, some things never change… When we step out of our traditional expectations it’s not without a cost.
Kate Gosselin was ripped apart in The View’s Hot Topics online comments section, regarding her working on Dancing with the Stars. Viewers called her a “witch” and “horrible” to name a few things said. I don’t get it—shouldn’t we be supporting our efforts in this world as women? Would they be happier with her on welfare, with society supporting her, or trying to collect donations from a website…? She is trying to be responsible—working to make her way, and that of her children. Isn’t that a good thing (regardless of whether she’s in the spotlight or not)?
One viewer suggested she isn’t trying to improve herself...Isn’t that exactly what she’s doing? She’s definitely not a dancer, so, she’s stepping out of her comfort zones and learning new things (and—God forbid—maybe she’s even having some fun while doing it). She’s working with what she can to get by, and I don’t see what’s so wrong about that.
But, as is often the case, it’s easy to judge others whose shoes we haven’t walked in. The bottom line is that we all do the best we can with the resources we have. And I believe the degree of resentment we have for others (such as the comments toward Kate) shows more about ourselves… But that’s another story…
It’s funny how when men are successful, they’re not ostracized the way women are, and it’s easy for them to find relationships (especially with younger women), but for women it remains a challenge (and if it’s a younger man, we’re labeled a “Cougar”).
The good news is that society is changing in a lot of ways. And we’re all trying to adapt—as women, to our strengths, and as men, to stronger women. It’s our reality now and we have to get used to it. Confident women are a large part of the world we live in today, and it’s certainly not about to revert back.
Both men and our female counterparts have to adjust to the fact that the world is changing—women are growing—and that is a wonderful and blessed thing, to be able to contribute to the world in a position of growth and strength.
I support any woman who strives to step out of her comfort zone, role, or external expectations, toward a position of increased strength, individuality, and success (as long as her consideration for others remains in tact), and I look forward to hearing more about others who support the same.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
A Supportive Society
My Twitter bio says, “Passionate about the health of our society, and supporting each other — a little goes a long way...” And it’s genuine.
I’m concerned about the state of our society (emotionally and otherwise), and about how we treat each other…that quite often seems more poorly than not.
For instance, online networks, such as Twitter, have many members just in it for themselves (trying to draw people to their products or services), without a care about anyone they come in contact with. It’s becoming a common annoyance for some.
I recently read a blog by a fellow-tweeter suggesting people be “more interactive” and “less selfish” on these types of social mediums, and I concurred with what he had to say.
But unfortunately, along with the convenience of online socializing networking comes a magnified mirror of the masses — a close view of how negatively many people conduct themselves with others — but it’s our reality. We have to take the bad with the good.
Personally, I’m drawn to sincerity. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, but not a one-way-street either. A little compassion toward other people (who also go through struggles, just as we do) can have a great impact.
Supporting each other, even in small ways, such as a kind word, gesture or help with something, can make a big difference for someone, and it all adds up in the larger scheme of things.
If we’re to be a healthy society, we need to exercise more energy from the heart, and less from the ego. We need to genuinely acknowledge and be kind to each other, and less self-absorbed — for the most part.
It’s normal to be selfish at times, such as in the instance of desperately needing a break from ongoing demands. Without a little selfishness (especially if you have children) you can go insane and take your loved ones with you! However, if the scales are tipping too much in the direction of your wants and needs and constantly at the cost of others…well, this is what you’re contributing not only to your immediate world, but to the larger picture as well — it’s your legacy.
I value the health of our society, and believe that in little ways, we can make an impact. I guess the question for some is to determine what kind of society they want to live in, and to think about what they can do to make an impact toward the kind of world they want to see. (Which is hopefully a positive one for most!)
I’m concerned about the state of our society (emotionally and otherwise), and about how we treat each other…that quite often seems more poorly than not.
For instance, online networks, such as Twitter, have many members just in it for themselves (trying to draw people to their products or services), without a care about anyone they come in contact with. It’s becoming a common annoyance for some.
I recently read a blog by a fellow-tweeter suggesting people be “more interactive” and “less selfish” on these types of social mediums, and I concurred with what he had to say.
But unfortunately, along with the convenience of online socializing networking comes a magnified mirror of the masses — a close view of how negatively many people conduct themselves with others — but it’s our reality. We have to take the bad with the good.
Personally, I’m drawn to sincerity. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, but not a one-way-street either. A little compassion toward other people (who also go through struggles, just as we do) can have a great impact.
Supporting each other, even in small ways, such as a kind word, gesture or help with something, can make a big difference for someone, and it all adds up in the larger scheme of things.
If we’re to be a healthy society, we need to exercise more energy from the heart, and less from the ego. We need to genuinely acknowledge and be kind to each other, and less self-absorbed — for the most part.
It’s normal to be selfish at times, such as in the instance of desperately needing a break from ongoing demands. Without a little selfishness (especially if you have children) you can go insane and take your loved ones with you! However, if the scales are tipping too much in the direction of your wants and needs and constantly at the cost of others…well, this is what you’re contributing not only to your immediate world, but to the larger picture as well — it’s your legacy.
I value the health of our society, and believe that in little ways, we can make an impact. I guess the question for some is to determine what kind of society they want to live in, and to think about what they can do to make an impact toward the kind of world they want to see. (Which is hopefully a positive one for most!)
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Young Artists for Haiti
First off, I have to say that I’m somewhat out of my element writing about a topic such as this. It’s very different for me… But sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zones, for the sake of the “greater good.”
I saw a music video yesterday that moved me to no end. The song was called Wavin’ Flag, and although it sounded familiar, I couldn’t place it in any regard. Now I don’t want to forget it (not that it will be possible to, with the media…), and I want to shout out loud about it and share it with the world. It’s that profound.
It’s a song—unlike many others—that is not only great to listen to, but has tremendous meaning. It’s a tribute to Haiti, by a whole host of great Canadian artists, such as Nelly Furtado, Sam Roberts Band, Avril Lavigne, Justin Bieber…to name a few. It’s a similar but modern concept of “We Are The World,” the iconic tribute from the 80’s, to less developed countries.
It’s a beautiful and moving song. I was emotional watching it (to my surprise). And I’ve never seen so much spirit shine through from so many artists at one sitting like that… It was really special.
But it’s more than that… It’s raising awareness and money for a precious cause—to help Haiti.
In support of Haiti, I felt compelled to spread the word and raise awareness where I can. I urge those who both love music and care about helping, to, at the very least, check out this song.
Words I’ve seen people use to describe it...“beautiful,” “love,” “inspirational,”
“cry…”
You just have to see the video and hear it for yourself. It’s well worth the time—and cause… Lend your support.
To see the video (sorry, links aren't working for me here): http://www.vevo.com/watch/young-artists-for-haiti/wavin-flag/CAUV71000003
To download it on iTunes:
http://itunes.apple.com/ca/album/wavin-flag-single/id360176492
For more info, visit Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/posted.php?id=470444300284&share_id=362538626206&comments=1
I saw a music video yesterday that moved me to no end. The song was called Wavin’ Flag, and although it sounded familiar, I couldn’t place it in any regard. Now I don’t want to forget it (not that it will be possible to, with the media…), and I want to shout out loud about it and share it with the world. It’s that profound.
It’s a song—unlike many others—that is not only great to listen to, but has tremendous meaning. It’s a tribute to Haiti, by a whole host of great Canadian artists, such as Nelly Furtado, Sam Roberts Band, Avril Lavigne, Justin Bieber…to name a few. It’s a similar but modern concept of “We Are The World,” the iconic tribute from the 80’s, to less developed countries.
It’s a beautiful and moving song. I was emotional watching it (to my surprise). And I’ve never seen so much spirit shine through from so many artists at one sitting like that… It was really special.
But it’s more than that… It’s raising awareness and money for a precious cause—to help Haiti.
In support of Haiti, I felt compelled to spread the word and raise awareness where I can. I urge those who both love music and care about helping, to, at the very least, check out this song.
Words I’ve seen people use to describe it...“beautiful,” “love,” “inspirational,”
“cry…”
You just have to see the video and hear it for yourself. It’s well worth the time—and cause… Lend your support.
To see the video (sorry, links aren't working for me here): http://www.vevo.com/watch/young-artists-for-haiti/wavin-flag/CAUV71000003
To download it on iTunes:
http://itunes.apple.com/ca/album/wavin-flag-single/id360176492
For more info, visit Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/posted.php?id=470444300284&share_id=362538626206&comments=1
Sunday, February 28, 2010
International Women’s Day / Week
“Strong women…strong world.”
I can’t imagine writing about anything more important right now (except my daughter—but that’s a given).
March 8th is our day (and week) women! It’s “a global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future,” as described by the IWD organization, at: http://www.internationalwomensday.com/. The first IWD was 1911, and has maintained it’s significance ever since.
It was proclaimed a day for our rights and international peace, according to Status of Women Canada (SWC). They describe it as an opportunity to “celebrate progress toward equality for women and their full participation, reflect on the challenges and barriers that remain, and consider future steps to achieving equality for all women, in all aspects of their lives.”
Personally, I think it would be a great tribute to connect with each other—fellow genders—on that day (through FB, Twitter, and other mediums) to discuss things such as what this day means to us, people that have inspired us, and to share and learn about anything relating to it, in an attempt to acknowledge this important event.
Just as we reach out to loved-ones on birthdays and other special occasions, we can reach out to each other, to embrace and show our appreciation for one another in society. We really have “come along way baby” in many regards. Why not embrace it?
If this day has meaning for you, mark it on your calendar, and plan a way you can celebrate it with other women. Is there a way you can support your fellow gender—drop an email to say hello, comment on a blog, send a tweet, join a site… We’ve earned this day. It’s only fitting to own it.
I can’t think of a better way to show our appreciation for those who persevered before us—and made it possible for us to be where we are today—than to rise to occasion, and be supportive of each other.
I hope you’re as excited about this day (and week) as I am. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this—ideas, comments, anything. After all, for once it’s all about us!
The following are some links FYI:
International Womens Day site: http://www.internationalwomensday.com/
Women Watch: http://www.un.org/womenwatch/feature/iwd/
Status of Women Canada: http://www.swc-cfc.gc.ca/dates/iwd-jif/index-eng.html
(note: you can copy the IWD logo above, from this site)
I can’t imagine writing about anything more important right now (except my daughter—but that’s a given).
March 8th is our day (and week) women! It’s “a global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future,” as described by the IWD organization, at: http://www.internationalwomensday.com/. The first IWD was 1911, and has maintained it’s significance ever since.
It was proclaimed a day for our rights and international peace, according to Status of Women Canada (SWC). They describe it as an opportunity to “celebrate progress toward equality for women and their full participation, reflect on the challenges and barriers that remain, and consider future steps to achieving equality for all women, in all aspects of their lives.”
Personally, I think it would be a great tribute to connect with each other—fellow genders—on that day (through FB, Twitter, and other mediums) to discuss things such as what this day means to us, people that have inspired us, and to share and learn about anything relating to it, in an attempt to acknowledge this important event.
Just as we reach out to loved-ones on birthdays and other special occasions, we can reach out to each other, to embrace and show our appreciation for one another in society. We really have “come along way baby” in many regards. Why not embrace it?
If this day has meaning for you, mark it on your calendar, and plan a way you can celebrate it with other women. Is there a way you can support your fellow gender—drop an email to say hello, comment on a blog, send a tweet, join a site… We’ve earned this day. It’s only fitting to own it.
I can’t think of a better way to show our appreciation for those who persevered before us—and made it possible for us to be where we are today—than to rise to occasion, and be supportive of each other.
I hope you’re as excited about this day (and week) as I am. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this—ideas, comments, anything. After all, for once it’s all about us!
The following are some links FYI:
International Womens Day site: http://www.internationalwomensday.com/
Women Watch: http://www.un.org/womenwatch/feature/iwd/
Status of Women Canada: http://www.swc-cfc.gc.ca/dates/iwd-jif/index-eng.html
(note: you can copy the IWD logo above, from this site)
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Finding Religion in the name of Convenience
I’m getting tired of hearing about people that use religion when they’re in a bind – when they’ve been caught at something.
No longer an adult responsible for the situation they’ve put themselves in, but rather a broken child of God or a “higher power” that have lost their way.
Tiger Woods, in his press release this week, referred to going off track with his Buddhism as a justification for adultery, saying, “Obviously, I lost track of what I was taught.” If he had of stopped his self-indulgent conduct (to put it mildly) because of moral reasons, his finding religion again would be more believable. But, like many before him, he was simply caught in the act, and has to squirm his way out – and make it look good while doing so.
So eloquently put in Newsweek…“Woods was following the boilerplate-celebrity addict script: Check into rehab, find God, make amends. The second step in any twelve-step program is to accept this: We ‘"came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"’ (Lisa Miller, Newsweek, 2010).
It’s such a convenient way out for some people – using it as they please, when it suits them – when they need it.
Even people that have been to jail apparently “find God” while there… Then they come out and indulge in the same old behaviors over and over again. It’s tiresome to hear about. Why don’t people have faith in religion before they commit acts that hurt others? It seems it’s ok to be impulsive and entitled, as much as they want – until they get caught, then it’s back to being “redeemed.”
You don’t even see a lot of remorse from many of them, but rather just seeking a way out of responsibility – a place to hide, like a broken child that’s somehow going to be healed.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for having faith in God or whatever religion people choose, but not just out of convenience – a tool you take out when you need it, and forget about it when you want to be self-indulgent.
It’ll be interesting to see what comes of Tiger… Lip service? Probably. I just hope he doesn’t blatantly use Buddhism the way he has all the women in his life.
I’m a big believer in people’s actions over the long-term, rather than what they do for “damage control.” I guess time will tell.
No longer an adult responsible for the situation they’ve put themselves in, but rather a broken child of God or a “higher power” that have lost their way.
Tiger Woods, in his press release this week, referred to going off track with his Buddhism as a justification for adultery, saying, “Obviously, I lost track of what I was taught.” If he had of stopped his self-indulgent conduct (to put it mildly) because of moral reasons, his finding religion again would be more believable. But, like many before him, he was simply caught in the act, and has to squirm his way out – and make it look good while doing so.
So eloquently put in Newsweek…“Woods was following the boilerplate-celebrity addict script: Check into rehab, find God, make amends. The second step in any twelve-step program is to accept this: We ‘"came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"’ (Lisa Miller, Newsweek, 2010).
It’s such a convenient way out for some people – using it as they please, when it suits them – when they need it.
Even people that have been to jail apparently “find God” while there… Then they come out and indulge in the same old behaviors over and over again. It’s tiresome to hear about. Why don’t people have faith in religion before they commit acts that hurt others? It seems it’s ok to be impulsive and entitled, as much as they want – until they get caught, then it’s back to being “redeemed.”
You don’t even see a lot of remorse from many of them, but rather just seeking a way out of responsibility – a place to hide, like a broken child that’s somehow going to be healed.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for having faith in God or whatever religion people choose, but not just out of convenience – a tool you take out when you need it, and forget about it when you want to be self-indulgent.
It’ll be interesting to see what comes of Tiger… Lip service? Probably. I just hope he doesn’t blatantly use Buddhism the way he has all the women in his life.
I’m a big believer in people’s actions over the long-term, rather than what they do for “damage control.” I guess time will tell.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Support or Sabotage?
Ever have a feeling (along with clear proof) that you’re being sabotaged? It might be indirectly, such as dealing with someone who apparently wants to support something you’re doing, but you sense “not quite.”
For instance, they offer you an opportunity, and you take them up on it, only to have them say, “Sorry, it’s too late” (even though you went by their time-frame).
Or things are humming along – no bumps in the path – as you’re working on a project (that, at first, is a little slow in coming), until it becomes successful, and they so generously come up with a few more roadblocks for you. Their explanation is “out of concern,” which wasn’t there over the course of the year-and-a-half that you’ve been doing the same thing. And this “concern” is expressed immediately after you told them some good news, about the success of the project... Hmmm.
All of the sudden the door isn’t as open as it initially appeared to be (literally). And they find reasons why they can’t help you with other things too, and you find yourself met with more resistance than support. You’re also frustrated about the fact that you have to depend on this person (to a degree), who outwardly suggests they want to help your project succeed, but evidence keeps pointing in another direction…
This is an experience I recently had… very stressful. However, after the initial stress and disbelief that it was actually happening, I realized that it’s more about them than me. To put it plainly, they’re unhappy. And as frustrating as it initially was (and may continue to be), in the long run, I don’t have to be a part of it – and I won’t.
Some people are miserable, and their way out of it is to try and pass it on to others. “Misery loves company.” But I’m not biting.
I’ll do what I can to succeed, but will absolutely will not fall prey to sabotage (my declaration for the day) - it’s not worth it. Life really is too short.
For instance, they offer you an opportunity, and you take them up on it, only to have them say, “Sorry, it’s too late” (even though you went by their time-frame).
Or things are humming along – no bumps in the path – as you’re working on a project (that, at first, is a little slow in coming), until it becomes successful, and they so generously come up with a few more roadblocks for you. Their explanation is “out of concern,” which wasn’t there over the course of the year-and-a-half that you’ve been doing the same thing. And this “concern” is expressed immediately after you told them some good news, about the success of the project... Hmmm.
All of the sudden the door isn’t as open as it initially appeared to be (literally). And they find reasons why they can’t help you with other things too, and you find yourself met with more resistance than support. You’re also frustrated about the fact that you have to depend on this person (to a degree), who outwardly suggests they want to help your project succeed, but evidence keeps pointing in another direction…
This is an experience I recently had… very stressful. However, after the initial stress and disbelief that it was actually happening, I realized that it’s more about them than me. To put it plainly, they’re unhappy. And as frustrating as it initially was (and may continue to be), in the long run, I don’t have to be a part of it – and I won’t.
Some people are miserable, and their way out of it is to try and pass it on to others. “Misery loves company.” But I’m not biting.
I’ll do what I can to succeed, but will absolutely will not fall prey to sabotage (my declaration for the day) - it’s not worth it. Life really is too short.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Helping Haiti: Not Right Now
A couple of weeks ago I posted a blog about feeling confused about how I – only one person – can contribute to the devastation in Haiti. I felt a little overwhelmed, wondering how anything that I could do could make any kind of difference (even though I get the concept that every little bit helps).
I figured I’d donate some money, in hopes that a little can make a difference, and go from there, in terms of figuring out other ways I can help.
Well, I’m still confused. I find both the fact that they need so much help and the outpouring of aid they are receiving somewhat overwhelming, in terms of where I fit in.
Recently, I’ve heard and read bits and pieces about the tremendous help they are receiving… financially, food and necessities, people opening their homes to orphaned children (although a very controversial issue right now), and so much more. It’s touching to see the outpour of kindness from so many people, especially considering the fact that we’re still trying to recover from a recession. It’s refreshing to see that kind of humanity again, even though the circumstances for it are very sad.
It’s going to take a long time for Haiti to recover and rebuild. It’s not going to happen over night. And I hope that the momentum continues over the long haul – for as long as they need the support - versus just as long as people are interested.
Because of my concern about the support they’ll have over the long term, I’ve decided to wait, and contribute in whatever areas I can at a later date. I believe it’s going to be like peeling back the layers – once the immediate needs are met, other issues will come up - and it will continue like this for a while.
So, as much as I wish I could do more, I’m going to hold off for now. And I look forward to doing my part when the time comes.
I figured I’d donate some money, in hopes that a little can make a difference, and go from there, in terms of figuring out other ways I can help.
Well, I’m still confused. I find both the fact that they need so much help and the outpouring of aid they are receiving somewhat overwhelming, in terms of where I fit in.
Recently, I’ve heard and read bits and pieces about the tremendous help they are receiving… financially, food and necessities, people opening their homes to orphaned children (although a very controversial issue right now), and so much more. It’s touching to see the outpour of kindness from so many people, especially considering the fact that we’re still trying to recover from a recession. It’s refreshing to see that kind of humanity again, even though the circumstances for it are very sad.
It’s going to take a long time for Haiti to recover and rebuild. It’s not going to happen over night. And I hope that the momentum continues over the long haul – for as long as they need the support - versus just as long as people are interested.
Because of my concern about the support they’ll have over the long term, I’ve decided to wait, and contribute in whatever areas I can at a later date. I believe it’s going to be like peeling back the layers – once the immediate needs are met, other issues will come up - and it will continue like this for a while.
So, as much as I wish I could do more, I’m going to hold off for now. And I look forward to doing my part when the time comes.
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